By Valentina B.

When Diane Heffernan had a fling with a nun in high school, she sensed she was different but she did not label herself gay.

Diane, 14 at the time, and the 16-year-old teacher in a habit would often sneak behind classroom doors to neck and hold hands.

Looking back on her teen years, the 58-year-old admits she was naive. "Nobody knew what being lesbian meant. You never heard of lesbians in the 1950s. I was clueless. I was having these feelings but I didn't know what they were," says Diane shaking her curly salt and pepper mane.

In the 1960s, Diane trekked Europe with a bosom buddy from university. "We were very, very close and of course she loved boys. She had boyfriends," Diane sighs.

Diane remembers not understanding why she felt jealous and betrayed when her companion would have sex with a different "Adonis" in each country. She did not realize then that she was in love.

Constantly confused about her attraction towards women, Diane became depressed and at times suicidal. She only admitted to herself and her family she was lesbian in her late 20s after a friend took her to a gay underground bar. By meeting other women with similar experiences, Diane realized there was nothing wrong with her and that she was not alone.

But times have changed. Most young homosexuals today are having an easier time coming to terms with their sexuality than gays growing up during Diane's generation did. Owen Moran, health educator at Concordia University, knows why. "In both eras there was a difficulty with self-acknowledgement. ‘Am I gay? Am I not gay?' Now it's easier because we have counselors to help people identify this," he explains. "In the past, homosexuality wasn't even talked about. Who would you go to back then? How would you even find out if you thought you were gay? There was not enough information. There's a lot more support now."

Unlike Diane, nineteen-year-old Tobie Miller knew she was lesbian in the ninth grade. She spent the rest of her high school years putting up posters and hiring speakers to raise awareness in her school about gay and lesbian rights.

Although she was open about her sexuality, she still felt isolated. "I felt really cut-off from the community, so I wanted to go "be part" of some kind of group. I wanted to meet other young lesbians," explains Tobie.

Once she started CEGEP, she joined its gay and lesbian club. Now she is studying music in university and when she has time attends weekly meetings at Project 10- a support group for homosexual youth aged 14 to 25.

Twenty-one-year-old Tarik El Babarti also hangs out at Project 10 where he sometimes volunteers as a counsellor. Even before his teens, Tarik says he knew he was drawn to men. "The reason I gave myself why I found guys attractive was because I wanted to be like them. I didn't see it as a sexual thing. After puberty, it kind of hit me that maybe it could be a little bit more."

Then came another revelation. "I thought that I considered myself just gay. But then I would be limiting myself to emotions and feelings and even sexual arousal that I get from girls. I couldn't do that to myself," he adds, his silver tongue ring slightly slurring his words.

Although he made sense of his sexuality in high school, Tarik was too terrified of rejection from friends and family to come out before he was 18. Today, he has no inhibitions: He'll hold hands with his boyfriends and even kiss them on the lips while strolling the streets.

Counsellors and support groups like Project 10 are not the only things making it easier for people like Tarik and Tobie to come out of the closet. Teens can also learn about their sexuality through the media since it frequently tackles gay issues, Owen adds. Tobie says watching television shows like ABC's controversial Ellen helped her. The sitcom's star, Ellen DeGeneris, revealed she was she was a lesbian for the first time on the show.

Obviously, Canadian society has become more tolerant of homosexuality over the years. This change is also mirrored in recent laws. Gays are no longer jailed because of their sexual orientation, as was done until 1969. In 1992, the federal government removed the prohibition on lesbians and gays serving in the military. Three years later, it amended the Canadian Human Rights Act to explicitly prohibit discrimination based on sexual orientation. Currently, homosexual couples in British Columbia, Alberta and Quebec can adopt children while in Ontario and the Yukon, a case by case study is called for. Earlier this year the Canadian government passed a new law to include same-sex couples in the common-law category. The legislation offers gay couples the same federal benefits allotted to common-law couples, including tax breaks and pension benefits.

Tobie and Tarik say they are lucky to be living in a society where they feel their sexuality is validated. "I'm glad that I can concentrate on my studies and things that are more important than hiding from people and making sure I don't get caught," beams Tarik. He is studying communications at Concordia University in the hopes of achieving a lucrative career in the film industry.

But no matter how much society has evolved over the last half a century, Tarik, Tobie and Diane worry there will always be people who will not accept them. Owen says whether it be in the 50s, 60s or the new millenium, fear of rejection has always contributed to two major problems among gay youth: depression and suicide. In fact, a 1995 study suggests that gay, lesbian and bisexual youth are three times more likely to attempt suicide than straight kids.

Diane was no exception to the rule. Until she hit the bar scene in the early 70s she repressed her feelings for women, terrified loved ones would not understand her or refuse to associate with her if they found out about her sexuality. Diane thought it would be easier to attempt suicide than risk rejection. During one of her worst downs, her mother took her to see a psychologist. He was of no use though. He misdiagnosed her, claiming she was depressed because she was in love with her brothers, not because she was struggling with her sexuality.

Although she never considered taking her own life, Tobie was also severely depressed before she told anyone she was gay. "I was afraid to come out. I was afraid of people's reactions," she says. "There was a big fear of what my parents would think, what my friends would think. I was afraid my female friends would be afraid to hug me or to make any kind of physical contact."

Often, Tobie was so blue she would have to leave school after morning recess. "I should have been on Prozac most of my high school life!" she laughs nervously. Rather than resort to drugs, Tobie faced her fears- she revealed her sexuality to her parents. Much to her surprise they were supportive and even welcomed Tobie's lover as a member of the family.

Diane found comfort in working for lesbian causes. Today, she is the coordinator of the Quebec Lesbian Network, which defends the rights of lesbians in the province.

Tobie and Tarik are optimistic that activists like Diane will help make gay marriages and adoption by same-sex couples in all provinces legal. Both would like to settle down with a spouse and a couple of kids in ten years. Their ultimate dream is that growing-up gay will be even more painless for their children's generation than it was for theirs.

"Now "homosexuality" is tolerated, but I think what we really want to go for is acceptance," says Tarik. "An accepting society would see two guys in the street kissing and just walk past."