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by Big Brother |
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I'm convinced every family has at least one "Angel Child".
In my case, it's Allan. He's my utterly perfect, utterly unbearable, utterly little, brother. A mother and father's dream is a brother and sister's nightmare.
As all Angel Children, he always does everything he's supposed to, like loading the dishwasher, or cleaning the T.V. room without even being told. And homework! Hours and multiple hours, and I'm talking unbelievable mega amounts of time are spent toiling over glorious assignments. But Allan, is it really necessary to memorize complete textbooks, and type notebooks?! He's really a very peculiar kid...
For instance, on Fridays we get allowance. And where is Allan, the Angel Child? He's off to the bank, for yet another deposit. How can one small punk have one enormous bank account? The answer is simple - all good Angel Children save, scrounge, and hoard their money. To them, any form of pleasurefull spending, whatsoever, is BAD. So why don't we all just hide every penny for the rest of our lives, and never have any fun and then get old - but keep saving! Never spending! No good times and then die. The end. Thank you very much.
But the most aggravating is his "I.T.S." - "I'm telling syndrome". He will pick at, constantly harass, and purely aggravate me to the limit, until I administer a teeny, tiny, baby slap. Then, for the next two days (minimum) it's "BLANK, BLANK, BLANK... or I'm telling that you hit me. BLANK, BLANK, BLANK is: "I'm coming with you", "Give me $10.00", "Get me a drink of water", or any number of assorted demands.
But Allan's biggest financial gain is from blackmail. To secure my interests (shut him up), I am forced to part with a large portion of my disposable income - or suffer the consequences. I see it this way: pay now, or pay later, because all Angel Children never EVER leave the house. He just hangs around the bedroom, or anywhere I may be - trying to escape him - and he waits and spies and waits and spies and so on, until he has some serious blackmail material that can readily converted into more immediate savings.
But ultimate worst, I'll admit, is when he talks about my supposed "girlfriends" in front of the entire family at the dinner table. If at all possible, it's important not to get furious, as it will quickly become a habit of the wide-eyed innocent ones who, according to moms everywhere, "don't realize they're doing anything wrong." And most importantly, be sure to high-tail it right out of town on report card day, as little angels across the land will be smirking and basking in bountiful straight-A praise.
So, just tell me, will I ever take revenge? No... the only answer is to remain calm and don't even look at him.
Pardon me? No, I don't want you to deck him. In fact, just buzz off and leave him alone.
After all, he is my little brother.
©1999 TG Magazine/Le Magazine TG
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