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by Maggie Lawrence |
It was a Friday afternoon, and the last bell had just rung, which meant it was time to go home for the weekend. Everyone was excited and hurried out of school shouting goodbye and making weekend plans.
Everyone except Sharon. Sharon was a shy, isolated girl and very much a loner. She envied the other boys and girls because she wished she could be just like them.
The school was almost empty of students by the time she was ready to leave. She wasn't in any hurry to go home because she knew what to expect when she got there. She and her mother would most likely argue over some little thing for awhile, then after supper she would go for a walk alone and come back home again.
She left the school and walked slowly. As she approached her house she hesitated before entering. She went in and saw her mother there, waiting impatiently. As soon as she got in, her mother immediately shouted, "Where have you been!"
Sharon looked at the clock on the wall. It read ten minutes past four. She hadn't realized it was getting so late, but it was nothing for her mother to get upset about. She didn't answer, and again her mother shouted, even angrier than before, "I asked - where have you been? It's after four o'clock!"
"I guess I was just late coming home, that's all."
"Late coming home! Is that all?"
"Yes, that's all."
"I told you this morning to hurry home after school. I needed you to help me with supper. Are you too stupid to remember that?"
"I'm sorry, I forgot."
"Sorries won't do any good. Oh, never mind. Take off your coat and start."
Sharon took off her outside clothes and prepared supper as usual. As she was doing this, she noticed the bottle of whiskey, which had been full, this morning. Now it was nearly empty. She could have guessed her mother had been drinking, because she was always irritated when she drank a lot.
Her mother's drinking problem first began when their father ran out on them six years ago, when Sharon was only ten. It was probably for the best in Sharon's opinion because they were always fighting and her father would beat up on her mother at times. They had never seen him since.
Within an hour, Sharon had supper on the table and by this time, her mother had finished off the bottle of whiskey. Sharon finished off her supper and cleaned up. As she was putting away the dishes, she noticed another bottle hidden in the cupboard.
She took it out and was about to hide it somewhere else so her mother wouldn't get it and keep drinking. She had the bottle in her hand looking for a spot. Suddenly she looked up and she saw her mother watching her.
She stopped, trying to say something, but she was speechless. Her mother took a couple of staggering steps towards her, then stopped a few feet away. She stared at Sharon, her head swaying and her eyes unfocussed. "What are you doing with that?" she said, referring to the bottle in Sharon's hand.
"I was, I... just going to.."
"What were you going to do," she shouted with a wild look.
"I was going to put it somewhere else, because it was in the way where you had it."
"Don't hand me that bull. I don't believe it. You were going to hide it from me weren't you? You think I'm a drunk, don't you? You think your mother's a dirty drunk? Uh, isn't that it?!"
"No," she almost shouted. "It isn't like that at all. I - I just didn't want you to drink anymore that's all. You've just had enough already, Mother."
"Don't you ever tell me when I've had enough. I'll have as much as I like, and don't you ever say anything like that to me again, you hear."
There was a plate left on the table and her mother picked it up, raging with anger. She threw it at Sharon. To protect her face she held up her hands, still holding the bottle. The plate smashed against it, and it splintered against her hands.
Suddenly the place grew silent. Sharon looked at her hands. There was blood coming from both of them. She looked up slowly until her eyes met her mother's. They both looked at each other for awhile. Sharon could tell by the look in her mother's eyes that she was sorry.
Suddenly her mother fell to a chair and wept. Sharon stood frozen, not knowing what to do. She wiped some of the blood from her hands in a towel on the counter, then went over and knelt on the floor beside her mother.
"I'm so sorry, Sharon. I'm so sorry," she said.
"It's okay. It didn't hurt. I guess I deserved it anyway."
"It's not only that. I should never have been drinking in the first place. I should never have started. I know what you've been going through all these years, what with your father running out on you and me. And God knows what he has been doing, or if you will ever see him again. It's all my fault he ran out."
"No, it wasn't. You both weren't happy together. I could see it coming."
They were both silent for awhile. This was the first time they had talked like this together ever, as far as Sharon could remember.
"Sharon?"
"Yes"
"I'm so scared," she began to weep again. "I'm scared of the future. I'm afraid of what's going to become of me, of us. I know my drinking is getting out of hand. I finally have to realize that. I promise you I'll try to stop."
She paused for awhile. Then she took Sharon's hand in hers, and they looked at each other.
"Sharon I know I haven't told you this in a long time, but what I wanted to say is I love you and I can't bear to lose you. You're all I have left."
"I love you too Mom."
They both hugged each other, and they stayed that way for a long while.
tgmag@tgmag.ca