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By Linda Laughlin |
Suicide ranks second only to automobile accidents as the leading cause of death for young Canadians
On the surface, Carol's life seemed picture book perfect.
The seventeen year-old came from a typical middle class family, was a straight' A' student and a cheerleader She had lots of friends. But inside, something was terribly wrong.
She began to withdraw from others. For days at a time, she'd just sit in her room and talk to no one. Unable to eat or sleep, she dwindled to a mere 92 pounds. Her parents assumed she was just going through a phase, friends shunned her, and the family doctor responded with a pat on the head and some valium. It was a prescription for disaster.
One afternoon at school, Carol stared at the valium tablet she'd emptied into her hand, and, on a sudden impulse, swallowed the entire bottle of pills.
Carol was luckier than some-she lived. But more and more young people today are gambling with their lives and losing. Since the 1950's, the rate of suicide among young Canadians has almost quadrupled, making it second only to automobile accidents as the leading cause of death for 15 to 24 year-old.
EPIDEMIC PROPORTIONS
In 1979, (the last year for which statistics are available), over 800 young people died by their own hand-a figure which may be notoriously lower than the actual number of deaths. Because of the stigma attached to suicide, many cases go unreported, or are covered up as "accidents", often to protect the bereaved family.
And for every adolescent who commits suicide, some experts estimate there are between 60 and 100 who try and fail-most of them girls. Girls attempt suicide three times as often as boys, but boys are three times as likely to succeed-a fact which may reflect their preference for more violent and lethal methods. (Most girls take drug overdoses, while boys try guns or hanging.)
Why has suicide reached what many consider to be epidemic proportions? Part of the answer can be found in society's changing attitudes. For centuries, suicide has been condemned as a sin and a crime. As a violation of the Tenth Commandment (Thou shalt not kill) it was punishable both by divine and human justice. In nineteenth century England, for example, the bodies of suicides were dragged through the streets, then buried at a public crossroads, with a stake driven through their hearts. Our own times have scarcely been more enlightened. In Canada until 1972, when the criminal code was amended, attempted suicide was punishable by a $500 fine or 6 months in jail.
But today, many of the legal and moral prohibitions against suicide have been removed. The erosion of traditional values which give meaning to life, coupled with the demand for instant gratification have had a considerable impact. And in an age of convenience, when drugs are so readily available, suicide is a lot easier.
FAMILY PROBLEMS-OFTEN A CAUSE
Although there are an endless number of theories to explain why people commit suicide, ranging from environmental factors to inner conflicts, one fact is clear-family problems are often a root cause.
"I felt everyone was critical of me," says Carol, explaining the reasons for her suicide attempt. A perfectionist in a family of super-achievers (one brother is a lawyer, another a high-powered executive) she felt she could never measure up to her parents expectations. "Schoolwork seemed effortless for my friends, but I really had to work to get good marks. I went through agonies if I got less than an 'A'. To make matters worse, I wasn't head cheerleader and I hardly dated compared to others." But it was the pressure of deciding what to do after high school which finally broke her. "It was horrendous. I felt like I was falling off a cliff." And when family and friends ignored her obvious depression, she was left feeling trapped and hopeless.
"If your selfworth is defined by your achievements, the prospect of failure can be devastating," comments Dr. Diane Syer, a Toronto psychologist and suicide expert who deplores such parental pressures. Like many others, Dr. Syer points to the breakdown of the family as a major cause of teenage suicide. The soaring divorce rate combined with increased mobility and a trend to more working mothers destroys the sense of security and roots the family has traditionally provided.
A recent Toronto study supports her view. It showed that attempted suicide was much more likely in homes where the father was absent (through death, separation or divorce) or unemployed, and where the mother worked. Parental alcoholism, mental illness and a family history of suicide were also very common. "Parents who are struggling with these problems just can't focus enough attention on their children," says Dr. Syer.
Certainly ths was true in Kathy's case. "My parents got a divorce a year ago," says the thirteen year-old. "But my dad still comes around-he's usually pretty drunk. My mom's on welfare and I've got to look after my two younger sisters. I took an overdose last month. I was scared when I did it, but I felt like trying anything."
According to the Canadian Psychiatric Journal, one third of suicidal adolescent girls have been seduced by their fathers. Fifteen year-old Lynn is one such victim-she's attempted suicide three times. "I used to feel really angry about it," she says. "Now, I just feel numb."
Others, like Frank, come from homes where parents are indifferent and subtly hostile. "Our family is strange," admits the seventeen year-old. "We don't communicate or relate to one another. My dad comes home from work dead tired and my mother is always harping that I'll get into trouble. We've never gone on family outings. I feel I've had no emotional support from anybody." His strong sense of alienation and loneliness finally drove him to attempt suicide two months ago; now he's thinking of leaving home.
But the family isn't always to blame, stresses Reverend Gordon Winch, Executive Director of Toronto's Distress Center One. "With the best parents in the world, a person could still grow up feeling emotionally deprived. When bad feelings arise from an inner quest for security and identity, it's a lot more difficult."
DEPRESSION & STRESS-A LETHAL COMBINATION
Many teenagers who attempt suicide suffer from depression-in fact, the suicidal risk is 50 times greater than for someone who's not depressed. As in Carol's case, the symptoms may be obvious-withdrawal from others, extreme sadness, disturbances in eat-ing or sleeping-or they may be masked by angry, rebellious behavior.
But what causes depression? Most often, it is rooted in a sense of loss-loss of love (an uncaring family, break-ing up with a boyfriend or girlfriend), loss of a parent (through death, separa-tion or divorce), loss of status (failing grades, unpopularity) or loss of physical health, for example.
And when a depressed person is faced with stressful events, the combination can be lethal. One eighteen year-old who took an overdose recalls that in the space of one week, she found out she had cancer, her parents told her they were getting a divorce, and she broke up with her boyfriend. "If things had happened separately, I could have coped," she comments. But even a seemingly trivial event-a quarrel with parents, or not making the football team can be enough to push a vulnerable person over the edge.
A PLEA FOR HELP
According to experts, though, very few really want' to die. "Suicide is a cry for help," says Dr. Rosemary Barnes, a psychologist and suicide expert at the Toronto General Hospital. The suicidal person, she points out, is so desperate for attention, he's willing to risk his life
in order to get it. And rather than a desire for death, it may be more a fear of living which motivates the act.
"I felt trapped," says Carol, echoing the feelings of many. "There seemed no way I could go on." Like most suicidal people, her thinking was grossly distorted in her mind, the only solution to her problems was to take her own life. But once she'd swallowed the Valium, she suddenly realized she didn't want to die. "I went to the music room and told a friend what I'd done. The school rushed me to hospital."
It's very common for the suicidal person to expect to be saved. Seventy per cent of adolescents, for example, attempt suicide when their parents are in the house, often telephoning a friend to come to the rescue. But it's still a big gamble. If something goes wrong-parents go out, the friend's line is busy-it may be too late. And unfortunately, very few people appreciate the finality of death.
THE "I'LL SHOW THEM" FALLACY
"Suicide is often presented in rock music and the media as glamorous and romantic," says Dr. Syer, pointing to the glorification of performers like Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison and Freddie Prinze. Rather than a desperate response to distress, the suicidal act is often portrayed as heroic.
Suicide may also be seen as a way of manipulating others. John, for example, wanted to punish his adulterous mother. "She'll feel guilty when I'm dead," he thought. Another girl fantasized about her funeral, imagining how grief-stricken her parents would be-perfect revenge for the way they'd treated her. But this type of thinking is based on a denial of death. John can't know his mother's reaction from the grave and no one has ever attended his own funeral.
With psychiatric help, Carol eventually realized how anger was also at the root of her problems. "I felt a lot of hostility toward my parents," she explains, "but I also felt guilty for being angry." The cycle of anger and guilt created depression, which in turn eventually lead to her suicide attempt. "I've now accepted the fact that I love my parents, but I don't always like them. And I no longer feel I have to be tops in everything. I just do the best I can."
Carol's life isn't perfect now, but it's a lot better. "Sure, I still get depressed once in a while. But I could never be tempted to take another bottle of pills. Life is too precious."
HOW WOULD YOU REACT?
How would you react if one of your friends threatened to commit suicide? Would you laugh it off? Act shocked and tell the person not to be ridiculous? Ignore it and change the subject? Get angry or scared and walk away? While all these reactions are perfectly normal, they don't help someone who's suicidal. "The need to deny makes it hard to deal with suicide," explains Reverend Gordon Winch. "We're afraid to talk openly about suicide because we believe words have power. If we say it, we might do it." But suicide isn't like leprosy and dealing with it headon is the best way to prevent it.
DANGER SIGNS
The person who is considering suicide invariably drops hints as to his/her intentions. It is not true that those who talk about suicide don't try it. The fol-lowing are danger signs and your abil-ity to recognize them may be the first step in saving a life.
Suicide Threats; obvious or subtle ("I might as well be dead"; "I'm just a burden"; "I won't be around much longer")
Preoccupation with Death: excessive fantasizing/reading/talking about death.
Previous Suicide Attempts: four out of five people who commit suicide have made at least one previous attempt.
Sudden Changes in Behavior: outgoing person becomes aloof and withdrawn, or reserved person becomes rebellious and thrillseeking.
Depression: often characterized by anxiety, disturbances in eating and sleeping, crying, sense of hopelessness, but in many teenagers is masked by rebelliousness, truancy, poor school work, selfdestructive acts.
Making Final Plans: giving away valued possessions (watch, stereo, records etc.), writing farewell notes
WHAT YOU CAN DO
Be a Friend: discuss the problem frankly and openly. Show that you care what happens and that you're not shocked or disgusted by suicidal thoughts. Try to find out if the person has a definite plan in mind-have they bought a gun? Do they have sleeping pills? As a general rule, the more specific the plan, the greater the danger. But DON'T play amateur psychiatrist-offering false assurances ("Everything will be better tomorrow") or simple solutions will only make things worse.
Get Help: If you think that someone is suicidal, don't assume all the responsibility yourself. Urge the person to talk to parents, teachers, a trusted adult, or to get professional help. Such help is available through local crisis centers, mental health clinics, a family doctor or the school guidance office. If the person refuses, or is incapable of seeking help, inform one of these people yourself about your concern. And don't feel badly if you have to betray a confidence, saving a life is far more important.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
If you're feeling depressed or suicidal yourself, confide in someone you trust or contact one of the agencies mentioned above.
Local distress centers are listed in the phone book-you can call up and discuss your problems with a counselor and there is no need to give your name.
"There are times when we all feel we can't cope," says Dr. Syer. "It's perfectly all right to ask for help. Don't wait until the
©1999 TG Magazine/Le Magazine TG
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