 |
by Roberta Beecroft |
An amazing amount of time and energy gets used up being jealous or envious of other people! All of us have felt those awful pangs of envy at one time or another. Few of us are immune. But some people seem to be more drastically afflicted by jealousy than others. You can likely think of someone who fits that description - someone who gets really agitated when they see another person with new clothes, an interesting date, higher marks, a great figure, more time on the basketball court, a great pair of skis, more fries on his lunch plate!!! You name it, and a 'jealousy junkie' will become upset and angry about it. The 'jealousy junkie' is afraid that somehow he is missing out or being treated unfairly. Feelings of insecurity, doubts about 'Am I good enough?' come rushing in and rob the jealous person of any chance of enjoyment of self. In the process of judging who or what is 'BETTER', all the pleasure of who you are and what you can be experiencing is lost in the haze of jealousy.
Some people feel very jealous of material things, like clothes or houses or cars or sports equipment. Other people don't feel envious at all about possessions but are in real agony with jealousy over relationships - boyfriends, girlfriends, mutual friends. The fear of feeling left out triggers pangs of jealousy whenever confronted by couples or groups of friends who appear to be having more fun. The pain and misery that goes along with jealousy is equally uncomfortable. Somehow there is a gap between what we think we have, what we want and what we see others having. How can we handle this powerful feeling that stirs up so much anger and uneasiness?
One way is to look at and challenge some of our beliefs. We all carry around a set of beliefs which need to be held up to the light once in a while and questioned clearly. For example, take the old belief 'More is better'. The advertising media want us to keep right on believing that, even though when we stop to think about it rationally, we understand that it is ridiculous. How about 'Clothes make the man', or 'Blondes have more fun'. We need to poke some holes in these old beliefs and start to celebrate the wonder of individual uniqueness. It won't be easy at first because our homes and schools are filled with mixed messages about comformity and individuality.
Every human being is an unrepeatable event, a unique creation! We do such an injustice to ourselves by continually measuring our worth by society's fickle yardstick. We need to value our sameness with others. It is a real mark of growth when we can accept differences without feeling threatened or jealous, when we can even enjoy and learn from the qualities and successes of others without feeling diminished in our own uniqueness.
As we come to see our differences as possibilities instead of problems, we can begin to accept ourselves and others more comfortably.
We have a choice: we can compare ourselves enviously with who others are, and what others have, and feel angry or cheated or helpless; or we can celebrate and enjoy who we are, what we have and what we can become.
tgmag@tgmag.ca