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by Roberta Beecroft |
When was the last time you played a rousing marathon game of Monopoly? What did you learn about yourself from that game? Are you a wild, carefree player who loves to take risks, or are you cautious and conservative in your playing style? Do you cheat when you "make change" for yourself at the bank, or are you scrupulously honest and demand that everyone else play in the same "follow-all-rules-to-the-letter" style?
Do you expect yourself to win, or do you see yourself as always unlucky, always coming up with a bad roll of the die? Do you want to own every property you land on, or are you able to pass up a chance to buy Baltic Ave and save your money for something better like Boardwalk? Do you buy hotels for your properties, or do you feel obliged to be a soft-hearted landlord and keep the rent low with only one house?
When you land on FREE PARKING do you keep all the windfall for yourself and enjoy it, or do you donate it to your little brother who is on the brink of bankruptcy? Do you love a chance to sit out three rounds in jail while you try to throw doubles, or do you play $50 immediately so that you are right back in the game fast? It's amazing how much you can learn about a person's view of themself and where they fit in in this world by their stylee of play. It points out clearly how everything - and I do mean everything - we experience is influenced and coloured by the way we see ourselves. It is as if our self-esteem acts as a sort of filter, screening everything that we see and hear and experience. It makes a dramatic impact on the choices we make for ourselves.
As an example, think of two students you know at your school - one who in your judgement has a high level of self-esteem, who seems to feel comfortable with themselves, and another who has low self-esteem, who always doubts their ability to do anything. How do these two students differ in the choices they make at school? Let me venture a guess! The student you picked with high self-esteem likely is quite involved in school life, takes part in class, tries out for some school teams, hangs around with a number of different people, likes to take part in school dances and activities. The student with low self-esteem works very hard at keeping a low profile, avoiding drawing any negative attention, hangs out with the same familiar people all the time, seldom tries anything new or speaks to anyone they don't know very well, sticks to what is safe and familiar. The choices these students make about how to involve themselves at school are a direct result of their opinion of themselves.
When we have healthy self-esteem, we feel lovable, and we expect to be happy and successful. We expect to be treated with respect, and to be recognized as a person with unique needs and abilities. We expect to be taken seriously, and we are able and willing to treat others with respect and consideration. On the other hand, when our self-esteem is low, we see ourselves as unlovable, and undeserving of happiness and respect. As a result, when we are treated poorly, we put up with it, believing that this is all we deserve. Low self-esteem triggers anxiety and depression - we feel inadequate and powerless - almost 'unseen' or somehow 'invisible'.
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When we don't recognize and enjoy our own worth, no one else sees it either. |
When we have gone through some rough experiences - maybe some family problems at home, some disappointments in our 'love life', a rejection from a friend, or criticism from a teacher - we slip into a negative rut and give up on ourselves. When that happens we need to plunk ourselves down in front of the mirror for what I call a "Mirror, Mirror Pep Talk". It goes something like this: 'I can see you're not feeling very good about yourself just now. Well, I'm here to polish up your self-image a bit. You may have forgotten that you are a unique, unrepeatable creation. You have a right to be here. You are competent, you can solve problems, you can survive disappointments, you deserve happiness and respect, you can give love, you can receive love, you can learn and you can grow, you can enjoy your unique place in this world - giving and receiving, caring and being cared about.
It starts with caring about yourself. Then you will be able to share your life with others. Let go of all those negative doubts about yourself and look into the mirror again. HEY! You're looking O.K. - capable and lovable. Hang on to this image of yourself, and you'll go far!
©1999 TG Magazine/Le Magazine TG
tgmag@tgmag.ca