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by Vicki Nassichuk |
Why am I so scared? I thought I was supposed to feel excited and adventurous. I've only waited 12 years for this moment! I've been accepted to the college I wanted; I've got the courses I wanted; I've met my roommate and I've been packed for months. So, what's the problem?
I am a college student, but not just any college student. I'm a first year college student, away from home! I can now look back on the few weeks prior to moving, and laugh, but then again, I've been here for a month now. I can still remember the fear and panic I felt when faced with leaving my family and my home. I had a horrible feeling that once I left for school, Mom and Dad would turn into Linda and Ron, the couple I stayed with every couple of weekends. My room would turn into a bed and breakfast! I'd have to phone and ask when I could come home. Everything was going to change, when I liked it just the way it was. Why was I doing this?
Linda and Ron hugged me good-bye and left me to fend for myself in the big, cold city. How could they be so cruel? How could they leave their baby all alone? How come they didn't tell me I needed the exact change for the bus? Somehow I got through the two days before (gulp!) the first day of school. What was I going to wear? What do city kids wear? I was sure I was destined to be The Nerd Who Could Never Fit In. The night before, I practiced looking chic and sophisticated. I couldn't quite master this look, so I had to settle on my Standard High School Uniform: Levis, Sweatshirt and Keds. When I arrived at school I was relieved to see the High School Uniform was universal. I managed to blend in with the rest of the first year lost souls.
As time wore on my fear subsided and loneliness set in. Why does everyone know everyone else? Is my phone broken? How did I manage to offend the entire campus? It was time for a new technique in meeting people: Perma Grin! I walked around flashing my pearly whites at anyone who would glance in my direction. It worked! Other lonely kids rushed to my side and were eager to start a conversation.
Finally, I had friends and I had something else, too. I had homework. What I wanted to know was where were all these essays, quizzes and chapters when I didn't have any friends?
I'm going to warn you now, college homework is not like high school homework! At college you go at your own pace; you don't have to worry about reading that chapter because they won't check; if you miss an assignment, hey, no problem! There are no detentions or notes home; you just get an F. An F?! No problem! I wanted to shake each one of my instructors and yell, "Do a homework check! How do you expect me to study when you don't tell me to? What do you people want from me?" Eventually, I bribed myself to do homework with chocolate.
I've settled into the role of "student". It did take some time, I'll admit. And I'm still painfully realizing that it's no exaggeration to call myself a "poor starving student". As a student I have mastered dressing, being away from home and studying. What's more, each month, I give a big chunk of my savings to the two causes that keep me sane: B.C. Tel and Canada Post.
tgmag@tgmag.ca