(Or, at the very least it will make you
different.)
by Sarah Denham, TG Co-op Student
One third of all Canadian marriages end in divorce. This
means that 75,000 kids each year will be faced with the divorce of
their parents. But how many of these 75,000 actually have the
knowledge to handle this?
Every person responds differently to similar circumstances. Jeff,
now 15 years old, experienced his parents' divorce when he was 4
years old. He was too young to know how to handle his emotions. "I
would get so angry that I would do something violent, like throw a
temper tantrum or trash my room," Jeff explains. "But now, I
realize that just any kind of physical activity, like
skateboarding, helps to relieve emotions and take your mind off
things."
"...physical
activity, like skateboarding, helps to relieve emotions and take
your mind off things."
The best coping methods are learned through experience.
Melanie, 18, whose parents divorced 5 years ago, cautions teens:
"You need to try to understand why before you get mad. If your
parents are fighting, a divorce is the best thing for both you and
them." At age 13, Melanie was old enough to realize what was
happening. What helped her the most was maintaining daily contact
through phone calls and visits with her Mom (the non-custodial
parent). Melanie insists that the most important thing is to
realize that your parents aren't leaving you, they're leaving the
marriage. 
Cheryl was 8 years old when she moved to a new city with her
mother and little brother. She left behind her home, school,
friends and father." The situation wasn't a good one, but it was
still hard to leave and I still missed my Dad." Cheryl feels
strongly that understanding why will put things into perspective.
Keeping feelings inside is not good either. Talk to a parent,
friend, family or teacher or write out your feelings, Cheryl
suggests. "For me, asking questions as a child really helped me to
understand an adult problem."
Jeff, Cheryl and Melanie all agree the important thing to remember
is that different methods work for different people. Because each
family situation is so unique, anything goes. Experienced teens
recommend simple methods, but do not rule out psychiatric help.
All agree that trying to reunite parents is useless. Adult worries
like money and lonely parents, should be left to the adults.
After all is said and done, can children of divorced parents
function normally? "I'm definitely an above average person,"
Cheryl jokes. "But I still get sad when I see 'normal' families
with loving fathers that care."
Melanie adds that the worst part is when your parents start dating
other people, and I'm sure she's not alone on that point.
There are some books available for youth, though most are geared
to adults.
[Do not read Surviving Your Parents' Divorce, by Michael G. Cochrane unless you're doing a school project. It's boring and contains mostly divorce facts, not how to cope with it. Worst of all, it's written from a father/lawyer point of view. What a combination!]
Kids'
Turn is one of the few web sites featuring kids. The artwork
that is showcased at the site is actually insightful. But, it
would still probably be more interesting for your parents'.