Indo-Canadian "Mixed" Marriage: Context and Dilemmas
Indo-Canadian "Mixed" Marriage: Context and Dilemmas
By: Jacqueline A. Gibbons
From: Polyphony Vol.12, 1990 pp. 93-98
© 1991 Multicultural History Society of Ontario
From: Polyphony Vol.12, 1990 pp. 93-98
© 1991 Multicultural History Society of Ontario
The particular intimacy of religion and cultural identity
creates special challenges for the South Asian family involved in
the experience of "mixed" marriage. This essay describes the
general context and some specific cultural aspects of this
phenomenon in the multicultural environment of contemporary
Canada.
Indo-Canadians constitute a significant immigrant group in the
population of Canada. These are a people who bring distinct and
rich cultural practices to this country. Their traditions and
customs, however, are being modified by the culture and
philosophies of the ethnically-varied Canadian society. In this
essay I explore some aspects of the "Canadianization" of families
from South Asia. In particular, I shall concentrate on the
phenomenon of "mixed" marriage, an inevitable result wherever
human beings come together to form a common society. This
phenomenon has not been the subject of any in-depth research in
connection with South Asians in Canada, and this work is,
therefore, largely introductory.
The migration of a range of ethnic and cultural groups has been
the story of Canadian life. Influxes of peoples from varied lands
have occurred as great waves or small trickles, according to the
needs of the nation or pressures from outside. Since with the
apparent crossing of the Bering Strait by aboriginal peoples,
North America has become the home of a vast range of peoples. In
Canada, French and British fur traders and colonists in the
seventeenth century laid the basis for European migration; and
from the nineteenth century to the present we have experienced the
continuing influx of immigrants from every part of the world.
Canada has shared the flavour and cultural diversity of many
nations, and South Asians have made special impact over the last
twenty-five years.
Marriage patterns for all groups have been affected by the
opportunities available for culturally-mixed relationships. For
example, ethnic intermarriage generally takes longer to happen in
rural areas than in large cosmopolitan cities. It is also apparent
that marriage is more likely to have mixed ethnic components in
the second generation than in the first (Augustin, 1975,
1985).
The Arrival
When South Asians arrive in Canada, their first tasks are to find
a home and jobs so that family life can be reconstituted in the
new cultural setting. Another important part of this settling
process is to contact old friends and relatives. This special
emotional component of settling addresses peoples' personal needs:
the need to discuss trials, tribulations, sadnesses and joy; the
need to resolve personal or professional problems; the need to
share an evening or a meal with a compatriot where the
conversation is in a familiar language and is based on the same
cultural assumptions; where the same food and rituals of table are
understood and respected. These personal contacts also provide
useful information to the newcomers, who will discuss schooling
for their children, clothing, goods that may be purchased, and
stores where they can shop for the kind of food they are used to.
And they may exchange information about their work and about job
opportunities that are often different from the possibilities or
barriers back home.
When South Asian immigrants arrive in Canada and start to settle
in the community, they exchange information about the
affordability, availability and character of different kinds of
housing and communities. To be comfortable in their home is vital
to the emotional stability of new immigrants. It is only when the
home becomes settled that the affairs of work, children, and other
concerns are addressed with a sense of peacefulness and from the
stability of a geographic base (Gibbons, 1989).
Education and the Mix of Relations
The children of newly arrived Indian families learn in their
classroom and in the playground that in Canada they are one of
many sorts of children from a variety of ethnic and national
backgrounds. In the larger cities, like Toronto, children of
Polish, Ukrainian, Portuguese, Italian, Vietnamese,
Afro-Caribbean, Chinese, Somali, Pakistani, Bangladeshi, North and
South Indian, and Sri Lankan parents arrive in their classrooms
with a vast range of backgrounds and languages.
Although there is an instant immersion in cultural diversity and
plurality at school, there grows, as well, a new awareness of
something that is North American Anglo-Celtic and is called
"Canadian." This "Canadianness" manifests itself in the emerging
interests that are shared at home through the medium of
television. Thus baseball, football, the world of cartoons, and
other programs that are watched by the family are cultural seeds
of germination which serve to produce a Canadian and North
American identity and perspective.
The children learn new games in the playground and find new
friends who come from a variety of ethnic backgrounds. There are
new relations between girls and boys, as they explore the informal
and personal world of other young people. There are discoveries of
ethnic mergings and cultural splits, where one ethnicity is
antagonistic to others. They learn about friendship and about
conflicts, animosities, hostilities, and biases. They observe and
may find themselves entangled in webs of ethnic enclaves, where
hostility is also a sign of insecurity and of vulnerability. These
schisms can be along class, sexual, and ethnic lines: they may
constitute the fabric of newly cemented alliances or of greater
schisms and splits. They may also be minimized or reinforced by
teachers or parents as the grown-ups share their own fears or
prejudices. The children are both reflectors and initiators of
these attitudes and values. They may become embroiled in the
internecine conflicts, and the reformulations of cultural and
ethnic alignments. This can be trench warfare but it can also be
the fabric of new liberal values. The new relationships formed
will create the possibility of interethnic marriage.
Religion
South Asia is the home of most of the "great" religions of the
world, including some that have been virtually unique to the
region until the period of recent migration. The South Asians who
have come to Canada have brought religions and cultural and social
practices that are deeply influenced by their religious identity.
The children of new immigrants inherit this legacy. Their parents
may practise Hinduism, Buddhism, Islam, Christianity, Sikhism, or
Jainism. They may have symbols in their households that represent
warm and familiar associations or a well loved deity; and the
families may attend temples, mosques, "gurdwaras," or
churches.
Perhaps the aspect of religious variation that is most relevant to
the possibility of mixed marriages is the degree of religious
orthodoxy in the household. Where religion is extremely important
in the family, the children are raised with particular rules and
prohibitions and they will partake in the rituals, prayers, and
practices of that orthodoxy. They may choose to adhere to this
orthodoxy, or they may react against it. These responses are
determined by the development of tastes and values.
Certainly the values of the parents can be affected by their
children's attitudes toward religious doctrine and dogma and these
attitudes can cause joy or much pain. It is clear that these rich
religious currents are a power to be reckoned with in the shaping
of beliefs about marriage for the next generation.
The Second Generation
It is through the experience of school, play, and jobs and new
friends, values, and interests that the transmission of culture is
shaped and reshaped. Often parents will choose to plan their
children's spare time by arranging family functions that include
all ages, as is normal in Indian households. However, with the
onset of adolescence, Indian girls and boys pick up interests
amongst their own age groups. These often take them out of their
own family and into the families and activities of other ethnic
groups. Friendship, in fact, during adolescence (according to
North American cultural values), may well take precedence over
family functions. Thus young Indian, Bangladeshi, Pakistani, or
Sri Lankan girls and boys will attend the sports events, movies,
and parties of their own new friends, who are often drawn from the
ethnically cosmopolitan school and elsewhere.
When these offspring go on to university and college, they
continue to move in an increasingly differentiated and
heterogeneous world that is almost always defined as "Canadian,"
with all that this implies. Romances come and go, and crucially,
the sense of identity is merged with that which is named Canadian;
thus ethnic identity may become less important for these young
adults.
For the boys and girls there are specific South Asian alternatives
to the dating and mating of mainstream North American society.
Sometimes their parents arrange their marriages according to
traditional family networks or practices. A spouse can be found
through personal contact or through advertisements in community
newspapers, either at home or in Canada. The decision may be left
entirely to the parents, or it may be shared by the son or
daughter concerned. Where the young adults accept this practice,
it is one way to maintain religious, ethnic, and educational
values. On the other hand, others want to adhere to the customs of
their new country by meeting their partners in life and marriage
through the networks and friendship patterns of Canadian
society.
The Test
The real test of these heterogeneous friendships is the
introduction, into the household of origin, of a different
ethnicity or religion in the contemplation of marriage. For nearly
all parents, this amounts to an immense challenge to everything
they have stood for and in which they have believed. Liberal words
are belied by conservative admonitions; fears are expressed and
threats made in family discussions.
Often when the daughter or son raises the idea of marriage to an
outsider, the initial parental response is predictable and
"protective." The first thought is that marriage outside the
community can be a problem, that there are too many unknowns.
There is also the fear of divorce, which is acceptable in North
America but largely ruled out in India.
Parents will express their concern about the future of their
children. They will say that the offspring of those children will
belong to neither one society nor the other. Their concerns are
real in this articulation of fears and anticipations. Yet there is
no guarantee that a marriage will be perfect, or indeed even
especially reasonable if it is arranged by parents or family.
Those who look to India for a partner in the New World can create
culture shock for the emigrant partner. In other cases, an
arranged marriage may be unacceptable to the second, and likely,
more educated generation. Though we do not have data on the
success rate in mixed marriages, I might argue plausibly that
mixed couples are especially conscious of the importance of
success, and thus may try especially hard to achieve marital
longevity. The old argument that girls must be protected and
guided as they move from their father's household to that of their
husband's, are often re-formulated, as the daughters of immigrant
Indo-Canadians choose to shape their own destinies in the spirit
of North American pluralism. Some parents are heard to say, "We
want them [our children] to be happy and we will put the
responsibility with God.''1
It can be noted then that after twenty years of living in the New
World, ethnic intermarriage among South Asians has become a
statistical reality. As a result, some families are faced with the
challenge of ethnic or religious "otherness" as their children
become educated and move in socially and occupationally varied
cultural milieus in Canada.
Conclusions and Implications
Marriages between Indo-Canadians and persons outside their ethnic
communities is a phenomenon that can be transformative, yet can
also carry with it the fears of uncertainty of outcome by family
and relatives. Despite their parents' strategies for maintaining
cultural ties, friendships, and alliances, the second generation
Indo-Canadian has already crossed many of the barriers to
occupational and educational success. Intercultural marriage may
be seen as a good step or as a hindrance depending on the point of
view of friends, relatives, and families who are involved. Whether
these marriages are made in heaven or not, they are an intrinsic
part of Canadian family and cultural life. Clearly also, those
young people who choose such marriages are paving the road to a
multicultural adventure that is both bold and brave.
Our society has a multicultural base as its very underpinnings.
Perhaps Canada is one of the few countries of the world where such
newly worked family forgings and linkages have reasonable
surroundings in which to take place. The Indo-Canadian marital
alliance introduces a special glimpse into the present and future
of Canada.
